Transplant Makes Gay Friends 'Brothers'

Banned From Giving Blood, Gay Men Can Still Donate Kidneys

By Ryan Lee

As Keith Talley prepared for what he thought would be "the end of the world," he received an instant message from an angel.

Talley, 31, was in a tennis chatroom in July when he and Michael Simao struck up a conversation, and eventually traded pictures with one another.

Upon viewing the photos, Talley and Simao - both gay men - realized they already knew one another from living in the same Atlanta apartment complex, but had lost contact with each other a few years ago.

"Keith was my first friend when I moved to Atlanta, so I kind of see him as being like my brother," said Simao, 31, who moved to the city from Boston about eight years ago.

In the course of their conversation that day, Talley told Simao how his life had changed since the last time they saw each other.

In August 2000, Talley was living in Boston when he underwent a routine physical and asked his doctor about his recent severe headaches. The doctor told Talley, a flight attendant at the time, that he suffered from a kidney disorder, and the organ was functioning at only 30 percent of its capacity.

"I thought I was physically fit and everything, and so for someone to tell me I had kidney failure, obviously I thought it was the end of the world," said Talley, who was told by doctors that the kidney failure he developed - glomerulosclerosis - was either hereditary or caused by an infection.

Upon hearing his old friend's new problem, Simao acted immediately.

"By the following Monday I had already made an appointment with my doctor," Simao recalled. "A few days later I called Keith - who had been feeling sick that day - and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch with me."

In the middle of the lunch, Simao handed Talley, who returned to Atlanta in 2001, two cards - one listing "O-positive" as Simao's blood type, and the other with the slogan, "Friends for Life."

On Tuesday, Simao and Talley checked in together at Piedmont Hospital, where on Wednesday Simao donated one of his kidneys to Talley.

No Gay Ban On Kidney Donation

"It's finally starting to sink in," Talley said in an interview Monday, two days before the Oct. 22 surgery. "When Michael first told me he would be a donor, I was happy, but to be honest, at the same time I wasn't. I was expecting him to get scared and back out of it in between the time he told me and the time of the transplant."

Instead of wavering, Simao traveled through the rigorous screening and testing process all organ donors must go through.

Potential kidney donors undergo a two-day battery of medical procedures, including blood and kidney tests, X-rays, CAT scan and psychological evaluation before they are even considered, according to Perry Dykes, Talley and Simao's pre-transplant coordinator at Piedmont Hospital's Mason Transplant Clinic.

"If potential donors show any, any risk factors, they would not be considered as a donor," Dykes said. "We turn down 25 percent of the people who volunteer to donate."

Although gay men are barred from donating blood, sexual orientation plays no factor in determining eligibility for kidney donors because of the extensive screening process, Dykes said.

"We accept gay folks as donors, and they are screened just like everybody else," Dykes said. "Both the donors and the recipients are tested for everything known to man."

And unlike blood testing - which is regulated by the federal Food & Drug Administration - the restrictions and guidelines for organ donors are set by individual clinics, said Annie Moore, a spokesperson for the government-contracted Organ Procurement & Transplantation Network.

A representative from the FDA, which says it screens all blood donations for contamination and disease, would not answer questions relating to the 20-year ban on male blood donors who have had sex with men even once since 1977.

Wait List Growing

There is an overwhelming need for kidney donors from all walks of life, Moore said, citing the more than 55,000 Americans currently on a waiting list for a kidney donation.

Last year, 1,091 living donors provided a kidney to someone unrelated to them, up from 25 in 1988, and 67 in 1993, Moore said.

Simao, who recently found out his grandfather died while waiting for an organ transplant, described giving one of his kidneys to Talley as a spiritual decision.

"I figured, why should I wait until I die to help someone," Simao said. "People can do these kinds of things before they die and see the outcome."

Organs from living donors significantly increase the chances for a successful transplant, Dykes said.

Once Talley's kidney functioning dropped to 14 percent, he was placed on a waiting list for a transplant. Three months later, Simao volunteered as a donor.

"For someone who I haven't communicated with in several years to say he's going to risk his life to try to save mine - that takes a special person," Talley said of Simao. "I honestly do thank him, and I consider him to be a brother now."

Countdown To Surgery

Interviewed earlier this week as they counted down the hours until their surgery, both Talley and Simao confessed to being nervous, but both said they were more concerned about the other's health than their own.

"At this point I'm ecstatic," Talley said. "But I'm scared - really scared."

Talley is fighting a battle similar to one faced last year by Q100 radio personality Melissa Carter, the lesbian cast member of the "Bert Show" who received a kidney transplant from her cousin.

Receiving a second chance at life has given Carter a unique perspective, she said.

"Before my transplant I couldn't climb a flight of stairs, I couldn't eat a banana or drink orange juice," Carter said. "[After the transplant] I had an appreciation for life only someone who has come back from death can understand.

"Every food was good, every person was an angel, and every breath I took was an extension of a life, that in any other time period, would have been over with," she said.

Simao said he would just like to see Talley, who has been plagued by exhaustion in the past few years, return to a more active life.

"I hope he comes out as the Keith I knew when I first moved to Atlanta," Simao said. "He was very optimistic and full of life. He could walk in a room with 50 people he didn't know, and by the time he left everyone would have wanted to be his friend."

At press time Wednesday, both Simao and Talley were in good condition following the surgery, according to Kathleen Arruda, Simao's sister.

Simao's surgery took 2 1/2 hours, while Talley's took 4 1/2, Arruda said.

Copyright © 2003 Window Media Publication

This article posted December 7, 2003.